Pheraen White Christmas!
by Shinlee
Summary: Once upon a time, there was this crazy authoress writing a crazy story. Say, what do you think about a well-arranged party that turned to be... something unbelievably wacky? Originally written for the Fire Emblem Tumblr Christmas ball.


_Standard disclaimer applied._

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**Pheraen White Christmas**

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Everything were arranged perfectly! Ninian and I had discussed about this last night. To those who were so fond of our dirty-little-details, no, we didn't discuss about this _in bed._

It was Ninian's idea to move the Pherae Christmas Open House's date back, to December 26. Brilliant idea from my brilliant wife as always. So, it was decided like this-December 24 would be Phearen royal family's private time. The Open House would be held on December 26, so we could invite our comrades on December 25. Yes, our comrades, our beloved, trusted friends from the war! Oh, how wonderful, to be united again, to see each other again. How many times since the war started?

And of course, I would invite the Ostian royal family too, especially Hector's little jewel at Roy's request. Ah, that son of mine... he even sealed his letter with Pheraen royal crest wax. I didn't know I should be crying or applauding him for that. I didn't even know when he took that wax.

To respect our Ilian friends, I thought December 25 was the perfect time for us to see White Christmas. Or whatever! Ilia was a snowy land, and I simply wanted to make them felt at home. Relax, friends! Of course I didn't forget the other nations. I had Lowen to ready some delicious Sacaen meals, ordered Marcus to put more woods into the hearth (real woods, my friend, not a wood with red hair... ehm, read as Eliwood) to anticipate our Nabatan friends' low cold-weather resistance. To respect the Etrurians, Lowen came up with an idea of serving Pheraen finest cuisine. Muhaha!

Our happy family was waiting for the guest to come. Roy looked at me, then to Ninian, then to the floor, to Marcus, to Lowen, to Rebecca, to Isadora and Harken who were shamelessly making out at the corner of this room, and finally, he gathered his courage to speak up.

"Father," he began. "I have a request."

I knew he would ask me something whenever he addressed me like that. "Daddy" in daily basis, "father" when he was in need of something, and "old fart" when I wasn't looking. My son. Only Durandal... errr I could strike him.

"Yes?"

"It's... well... uh, a question, actually."

"Yes?"

"The m-mis-mistle-"

"Mistelteinn belongs to FE 4's Eltoshan and passed down to his son Aless, aren't you happy with you being the sole inheritor of Durandal? Oh my God, Roy, it was pride that banished Lucifer from Heaven! Even Hector couldn't find something to give to Lilina. At least not his axe."

"Not fair! You know Uncle Hector loves his axe so much!" Roy protested.

"And his axe loves my head so much, that's also true. Say, Roy, what do you want to ask, I mean, actually? Something related to Mistletoe?"

I could hear my wife's soft giggles. Now Roy's face were blushing red. Ninian rose from her chair. "That's okay to let him hang a mistletoe... right, Lord Eliwood..."

"Aha! So there's a girl you desperately want to kiss!" I tapped Roy's shoulder and he gulped like a youngster who was being asked for a dance with Miley Cyrus. "Listen, boy. A real man doesn't need a Mistletoe to steal a kiss from his woman. You just be yourself, man up a bit, and eagerly ask for one! Trust me, your daddy got a gift with the ladies," I told him the last sentence... no, no, I _whispered _the last sentence to him.

"But you can't just steal a kiss like that! Well at least I'm not Prince Innes who really enjoys pissing off that Ephie so much. Besides... Mistletoe legalizes my act so that nobody accuses me for being pervert!"

Aha, good stance, solid argument. Did Edgey-poo train you?

"I guess you have permission from your mother..."

"I know you'll understand..." Ninian pressed her hand to mine. _Dang, babe, why hand. You have lips, gimme that._

"... if so, you have permission from me too."

"Thanks, Dad! I'll hang it as soon as possible... and... oh, I love you, Mom!" _Team_ _Roycket, _with the speed of light, rushed outside. Surrender now, Eliwood, or prepare to... well, I had to surrender anyway. In the name of Holy Puberty.

There was a loud knock on my door, and Marcus stormed in. "My lord," he panted and flipped his hair back and forth... wait, something was wrong... "your guests, my lord, they are here. They have arrived."

It was more a "Lord Eliwood, the enemies are proceed to attack! Your orders, my lord!" tone than "Ooooh Lord Eliwood, finally the guests are here!". I'd better check out. I asked Ninian to take care of the castle and guard the throne room while I came to talk with the enemies... ehm, guests.

Oh, yeah, Le Marcus really hit the spot today. Yes, the guests were here already. Yes, those were my comrades outside this room. But they were like, a battalion of troops! And Hector was here with his cute little Lilina, and oh holy instant noodles, why did he bring his axe. "Eli-food! I know you got food! I'm tired being on foot, let me storm to loot!"

Thus, readers, explained the condition of my castle: under siege. Steven Seagal would be proud if I could handle them all alone (I didn't know there was a girl in the sea, though).

"Come in, friends! Come in, make yourself at home!" the atmosphere suddenly changed. So merry, so cheerful and fun. Fine friends, my dear, were rare diamonds in the snow. Precious and dependable!

"Oh, Lord Eliwood! Your castle is soooooo pretty! Like me, of course!" Serra shouted. "But I'm not surprised. I'm Serra afterall!"

"Why Serra of course!" I smirked. "And here is our adorable Lilina!"

"Good afternoon," the little girl curtsied, almost made me jaw-dropped. "Thank you for inviting me, Uncle Eliwood. What a nice party, what a nice castle!"

"I TEACH HER THAT!" Hector roared. "Did you listen, Eli-food? I TEACH HER! What, woman, why are you frowning? You really want to age fast?"

"It's amusing, really," Lyn replied sarcastically. "You teach Lilina to behave so princess-like, why you can't even teach yourself to _speak _normally."

"I take it you hate losing to me...?"

"With all due respect, Lord HECTARE, who is losing to you, anyway? You stepped on my foot, causing me to TRIP! And you even DARED to pull me! What a horrible day! Horrible, horrible, I tell you, Eliwood-we landed on the floor together, his body just above mine, and we-"

"... you danced?" I cut in.

The others stared in awe.

"Okay, what's wrong with you people, yes, yes, we did dance, happy now? Rath, stop smirking! It's scary when someone as stoic as you starting to _make face_!" Hector shouted.

"Ooooh, my God!" Serra shouted jolly. "Oh my God! Lord Hector! Does that mean you're proposing Lady Lyndis? My, my, such surprise! How romantic! Exceptional! Extraordinary! So divine and blissful! So..."

"... annoying."

Le gasp.

"What? Did you say something, Erky? Ah of course you did! You feel abandoned! Don't worry, you still have your daily Serra dose! Erky! Eeeeerkyyyy!"

"I think he's dead," Matthew laughed mercilessly.

"... I didn't kill him," Jaffar appeared out of nowhere. "Greetings, Lord Eliwood."

"H-hi, Jaffar. Pleased to meet you, but next time don't come out of the blue like that, okay? Now return the _Dokodemo Doa _to Doraemon, please."

"It's a deal then."

"It won't be surprising if _you _killed him anyway," Matthew murmured.

"I didn't."

"Where were you then?"

"I was working. Well, yes I killed someone but that's for a client, of course. Which means I. DIDN'T. KILL. ERK."

Another _gasp. _I needed to do something before Matthew and Jaffar started their duel again. I didn't want any _kage bunshin no juutsu _in my castle, and with a hundred or more copies of Jaffar, I should move my family to Nabata, live peacefully with Athos... in the sands. "Hey, what are those? Two ice cube blocks over there?"

"Oh, that's Guy and Karel!" Lyn kindly answered my question. "They're Sacaen to the very end! Can't stand snow, I guess. Lilina, dear, do you have your Fire Tome with you? We'll need a little magic!"

After some cleaning, fire-casting and else-

"Oh, Lady Lyndis! Thank you very much!" Guy combed his precious braid gently, while Karel said nothing. At all. "Lord Eliwood! This is Karel-sensei!"

"... sensei? Ah. If this man is your master, then I have to treat him with respect! Master Karel, are you not? I'm Eliwood of Pherae, welcome to my castle!"

"... Your hair..."

"Wow, Karel-sensei likes you, Lord Eliwood!"

"... Dyed by blood...?"

"WELL OF COURSE NOT!"

"Ah, too bad..."

I thought the siege was over and I've won the battle already, but I was wrong. So very damn wrong. I saw four aerial units flying, getting closer and closer... ah, I could see them new. The three pegasus knights sisters and... wow. This was a great surprise. Behind them, there were Heath and Priscilla! On Heath's wyvern of course!

Heath's wyvern landed just in front of the castle gate. Heath got down then gently helped Priscilla to climbed down. The flamed-haired beauty stepped off gracefully, greeted everyone. "Hello," she said softly. "Thank you for inviting me, Lord Eliwood. And yes, I asked Heath to... accompany me and... well, he is here."

"Lord Eliwood," the wyvern rider bowed politely. "I do hope that I won't be hurting your eyes. As a deserted knight..."

"Cut it off, emo!" another beautiful appeared-out-of-the-blue performed by Raven. "You have to be so very grateful that _I allow you _to ride with my sister!"

"Hey, hey, not so fast!" Farina shouted back. "I _let you _to ride with me as well. Now you have to pay the transportation fee! It's not easy to tame this pegasus, considering only woman who can only ride on its back!"

"Farina, it's not the proper time to discuss it..." Fiora quickly cut in. "Besides Lord Eliwood knows nothing of this transportation problem!"

"I want to complain to Lord Eliwood as well!" Farina stared at me. "Lord Eliwood! In your invitation card, you said 'come and enjoy White Christmas', this isn't White Christmas! Compared to Ilian snowy days, your White Christmas won't stand a chance! You _trick _me to come here! I demand _payment_! When you write me something, I take it you _need my service. _You _have to pay me _for it! Nothing is free in this world, my lord!"

I heard a 'click' sound and the door opened, showing Ninian standing at the threshold. "What takes you so long?"

"I'm asking him to pay me!"

"I believe you misunderstand this, Farina-holy crap, what do I do?"

"Hire me," Jaffar answered. "I'll get your things done."

"Err... I'd rather not," I quickly declined his kind offer. Nobody wanted to eat roasted Farina, of course. Or perhaps Hector gladly volunteered to taste today's roasted Farina because she successfully pull 20,000 gold out of his... well, actually Uther's, pocket.

"Where is Roy? Father, can't we come in? I'm almost freezing." Lilina for the win. Her soft voice and innocence as a child successfully stopped our dysfunctional family from killing each other. We entered the castle and I saw Ninian winked to the innocent Little Lilina when her father wasn't looking.

"Lilina! You made it!" Roy jumped to the door. "How's your trip? Here, I'll help you hang your coat. Uh-oh hi, Uncle Hector."

"You're really happy to see my daughter, huh, Redhead?"

Raven and Priscilla turned their _heads _towards him.

"I don't mean YOU! It's Eliwood's clone, why are you guys so sensitive!"

"My father worries about me so much," Lilina whispered to Roy in laughter. "He almost crazy when he figured out that I couldn't hit even a single target. Finally he entrusted me in General Cecilia's care and... it's nice that you're learning from her too, Roy."

"Say, Lilina, do you believe in fate?"

"Fate, huh... why, all of a sudden..."

"Because... well, if meeting you is a fate, I'd like to... yeah, believe it."

"W-whoa, Roy. W-what's happening to you? Y-you speak like your father!"

"R-really? I-I'm very sorry..."

"Are you okay? What should I do..."

"What about kissing me under the Mistletoe," Roy murmured. "Err... nothing! Nothing! My father is shaping me to be a gentleman, s-so... no worries! No worries, ahahaha!"

"You mentioned something about the Mistletoe," Lilina, being _Hector's daughter_, of course didn't give up easily.

"Mistletoe?"

Roy stood still, speechless, his face blushing red like Miles Edgeworth whose cravat was being used to dry Kay Faraday's nostril. He couldn't raise an objection or even deduct the facts to build a perfect logic to end this misery.

_[Note to myself: Oh shut up you Milesexual.]_

As a(n) (un)holy father, I should defend my son at all costs. So.. "OBJECTION! What's so wrong about Roy hanging a Mistletoe? It's Christmas, Your Honor, it's just customary. The defendant isn't a perverted youngster anyway!"

_[Again, combating my fangirl side: Can't you just control your Edgeworth drive for a while]_

Roy was about to answer when the hearth glowed purple. The "boom" sound startled everyone, including Lowen who was talking to the dishes at that time. Purple dusts flew over the room. There were shadows, and soon, the shadows formed silhouette, clearer and clearer...

"NERGAL!" everyone gasped.

"Hohoho!" Nergal laughed in a dragon-like voice. "Man, you guys look so tense. Even I haven't announced the photo-sessions and signing-books request time yet!"

"Why are you here?" I took my stance and quickly search for my sword... alas, it was Christmas and I was throwing a party, so I didn't have my sword with me. Marcus substituted the sword with a banana.

"Easy, lad," Nergal shrugged his shoulders. "Ephidel! Limstella!"

The rest of the shadows formed silhouettes again, then Ephidel and Limstella stood before us. Still with their wavy hair, golden eyes, and that same, boring, tone. "Yes, Master."

"I don't mean to look for trouble, right?"

"Yes, Master."

"I don't mean to coup-de-etat Eliwood, right!"

"Yes, Master."

"And this red-headed weakling thought he could threat me with a banana!"

"No, Master."

"Good! And you think I'll lose to our little Lord Pansywood?"

"No, Master."

"Show some supports, morphs! It's Christmas afterall!"

"Go Nergal... go Nergal, go Nergal..." still, in THAT TONE.

"Anyway, lad," said Nergal after the morphs done with cheerleading, "I brought you gift. I demand to see Ninian, of course."

"You have to walk past through me!"

"No problem. I'm a ghost now..."

"Wait, wait!" I quickly shouted, "I'll get her here. But if you dare to lay a finger on her again, I swear I will-"

"You will what? I'm a ghost! Even Harry Potter loves Nick, whose help you seek now, Pansywood?"

"If you do anything foolish, Nergal, I'll give you to Aladdin."

"DOOOON'T! PLEASE NOT THE FUCKING CARPET-RIDER! Okay, Pansy, I'll do as told... blahhhh!"

"Good. Ninian! Dear, someone wishes to see you..."

"Who is it, why so noisy in there... what? Nergal..."

"How's life, Ninian? You look good. Oh, is this my grandson?" this time, dear readers, I didn't think Nergal as a monster anymore. That way of talking, the way he looked at Roy... the eyes wouldn't lie.

That red-headed rascal really ruined the mood. Well who thought Nergal might make feel so touched. "So my mother is a dragon and I have a ghost-grandpapa? Wow! Wait till Marquess Laus' son hear this! Haha! Serves you right, eat your hat!"

"Pansywood! You don't celebrate _my day _as merry as _this day_!" Nergal whined.

"But last year you said that too," I answered carefully. "And you know I'm treasuring your daughter. I treat her with my utmost respect and she's really entitled to my heart. And body, but let's skip that part because there are underages, Serra and Guy here. Too many victims fell for Guy's magic camera, lest you forget."

"_MY DAY_ IS EVERYDAY! NO EXCUSE, PANSYWOOD!"

"... and I thought your day was Halloween?"

"It's Halloween everyday in the Underworld!" Nergal screamed. "And where's that gray-bearded old rival of mine? You, Ostian lordling! Do you hide Athos beneath your armor?"

"Sure not... but I have Armads here, perhaps you want to meet him instead?"

"Later! My sole objective is Athos!"

"You didn't meet him in the Underworld?" I tried to be diplomatic.

"Not even a glimpse. Not the slightest chance. Why, oh why," Nergal began to cry like a baby.

"Errr... perhaps it's because you're in Hell and he's... well, in Heaven," I answered apologetically. Seeing my father in law cried like a baby was worse than seeing Roy cried like a running-amok Nergal. Really.

"... I see."

Crap. Nergal's eyes turned red. One more _sharingan _and we would die. For sure. "Holy Elimine. What do I do now?"

"Hire me," Jaffar answered from the corner. Ah. Still.

"Pansywood! That's really a revelation!" Nergal's voice roared around the room. "I'll take what is mine and kick that Athos butt! Ephidel! Limstella! Attend me! Let's take over Heaven! At least there's no Durandal-wielder in there. Come, my loyal servants, come! WE'LL BE INVADING HEAVEN! MUHAHAHA! So long, Pansy!" with a poof and a little hocus-pocus, Nergal and his gang disappeared.

Oh my God. Too much to bear for a day. Really. "The threat is eliminated, the world is safe again to live! Come on, friends, have some bites. That was really shocking, right..."

"Wait," Lilina cut in. "Roy! I demand an explanation about the mistletoe!"

"W-what's this courage..."

"You've been hitting on General Cecilia! Am I not enough for you? Six pairings, they're all women! You're hitting on Auntie Lyndis' daughter as well!"

"What? You're hitting on _my Sue_?" Lyn gasped.

"... answer, boy." Rath reached for an arrow from his quiver. "Your reasoning is bent. I shall straighten it with my arrow."

"Okay, okay! Gimme a break!" Roy shouted. "Adults... meh! You want to see _my _Mistletoe, so be it! Come on, Aunts and Uncles, I'll lead the way!"

We followed him to Castle Pherae's hall and...

SURPRISE, SURPRISE!

_Your children aren't yours, _Kahlil Gibran said.

The hall was still there, nothing was changed... unless...

_Mistletoes _were hanged on the ceiling. They were everywhere! My precious Castle Pherae's hall was turned into Hall of Love.

"There. Happy now?" Roy grunted. "I wanted to kiss all people. I wanted all people to kiss each other. All people are precious. As simple as that."

"Wow, I thought..."

"Have a faith in me, Lilina!" Roy smirked. His father's smirk.

"... I thought I was special, but I'm not! So many mistletoes... are you telling me that you... you invite me for... THIS?" a girl's heart, shattered to pieces. Teary eyes. A Christmas' disappointment, huh...

Roy took Lilina's hand in his hand. Together they walked past me, I could see him saying something to Lilina, they were too far, I couldn't hear... but hey...

"There's a Mistletoe in my father's bedroom. My father... he isn't a good liar."

All's well that ends well.

**-OWARI-**


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